One of the worst feelings you can get is that feeling of stagnation.
When your social life stagnates, it starts to affect your entire world. You might feel uninspired, unmotivated, like you’re in a rut that you can’t get out of. You feel bored… bored of everything.
When this happens to you, you might procrastinate on your plans, or fall back on old, counterproductive behaviours.
Or you might grow frustrated, feeling like you just need one more thing – maybe a partner, maybe some support – to achieve your goals in life. But that thing never comes, because you have no variation in your life.
Often, people don’t realize it, but stagnation starts in your social life. After all, if you were meeting new people, surely new and interesting things would be happening to you. But when your social life stagnates, your career and your personal growth stagnates too.
So, what’s the secret to reinvigorating your social life?
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
The secret is understanding there are two worlds that you can choose to live in. One is a place of comfort and order. It’s easy to live in, but it tends to become stagnant and stifling. The other is a place of discomfort and unpredictability, but in the end it’s the place that has all the opportunity.
Your job – as the master of your own destiny and the man who is the hero of his own life – is to venture out into that land of opportunity and find the things that will enrich your world.
So, where is this land of opportunity? Where is this place where the cool people you want to date live, where you can find new friends and new business opportunities? Where is the place where you could find all sorts of new “stuff” to help you reinvigorate your life?
Simply put- that space is “outside your comfort zone”.
You see, your comfort zone is a behavioural space where your activities and behaviours follow a routine that you are familiar with. It’s the space where you know what you are doing, where you are comfortable, and where everything is ordered and safe.
Staying inside your comfort zone is:
- Only taking on jobs or responsibilities you KNOW you can do.
- Going to the same bars and social functions that you always go to.
- Only doing activities you KNOW you like (because you do them all the time).
- Hanging out with the same people all the time. Not reaching out to new people.
- Avoiding things you think you won’t like or be good at (even if you don’t know if you’ll like them).
- Allowing a fear of failure to control your behaviour.
- Avoiding risk in social situations, staying quiet or sticking to “safe” conversations.
- Most of all, the comfort zone is about doing things that are safe and low-risk.
Staying inside your comfort zone has some great benefits. Life is easy inside your comfort zone. It’s predictable. You feel safe and you don’t experience anxiety.
But it’s also boring. If you don’t venture out on a regular basis, the space inside your comfort zone can become stagnant, grey and depressing.
Sometimes the walls of the comfort zone start creeping in on you, making your world smaller and smaller.
When you leave your comfort zone, weird stuff happens. Things you don’t expect happen. You are forced to learn and adapt and sometimes things work out great, and other times they don’t go so well. Often, you need to deal with anxiety and fear to cross that border.
But what’s remarkable about going outside your comfort zone is how WORTH it it is.
When you go outside your comfort zone you get some amazing benefits.
- You find new opportunities – Whether it’s a new job or meeting a new person to date, you’re going to find better opportunities outside your comfort zone.
- You’ll be more productive – Working outside your comfort zone is exciting and challenging, and you will get more done.
- You’ll have an easier time dealing with new and unexpected changes – Stepping outside your comfort zone is how you develop your creativity and problem solving ability.
- You’ll find it easier to push your boundaries in the future – Getting outside your comfort zone trains you so that you can overcome your anxiety more easily in the future.
Most importantly: You will be happier and see the world in a new light – because you’ve grown and learned new things while you were outside your comfort zone.
Getting outside your comfort zone can be hard. You want to go outside your comfort zone in a controlled way – don’t jump straight into the deep end. You want to break it down into small manageable steps so you see progress. A guide can also be a huge help for leading you outside your comfort zone in a way that leads to the most growth with the least pain.
So, in conclusion: ask yourself – what can I do to step outside my comfort zone today?
If you’re interested in getting a guide to help you get outside your comfort zone and expand your social life and dating life, I have great news for you.
Starting this month I am taking clients in Toronto for personal 1 on 1 dating coaching. If you’re a man who wants to get outside your comfort zone, revive your social life, and learn to be the kind of man who has choice in your dating life, then this coaching is perfect for you.
In this coaching, I’ll take you through a personalized step-by-step process to get you out of your comfort zone. You’ll quickly find yourself talking to and dating the kind of women you really want to meet. It takes the entire process of dating and breaks it down into small, manageable steps so you can see improvement on a week-to-week basis. And if you don’t live in Toronto, you can still register for phone coaching to be done over Skype.
For more on how to get out of your comfort zone check out the following: