Ok ladies, this one is for you. A friend of mine recently posted this question:
What is a respectful and kind way to let a guy know that you’re not interested in another date?
I have a difficult time finding a balance between being firm enough they know I mean it, but also being kind because I have nothing against them.
For example, yesterday I had a first date with someone. They were very nice and kind and Im sure will make someone else very happy, but I’m not interested. Is there a way I can say that so the person knows I’m not lying (aka that I actually mean it when I say it’s not them, it’s me), and also doesn’t think I’m a bitch or something (but also doesn’t think it just means they need to push harder)?
The best way to let a guy know you’re not interested in him is to be simple and direct and to not worry too much about his feelings. Letting someone down is like taking off a bandaid, it hurts less if you do it quick and decisively.
A good example would be something like this:
“Hey, thanks for dinner the other night. You seem like a nice guy, but I just wasn’t feeling a connection.”
Simple and direct. You start out with a thank you, you give a mild compliment, and then you give the bad news.
The thank you shows some class, the compliment reduces the harshness without giving him hope, and then you deliver the bad news plain and clear.
How Do I Make Sure He Still Doesn’t Think He Has A Chance?
What you don’t want to do
Some guys think you’re just being a challenge when you’re rejecting them. The secret to avoiding this situation is making sure the rejection is straightforward and direct. Saying “I’m busy a lot” or “I’m just getting over a relationship” or “I don’t know what I want these days” will often be taken as meaning he has a chance. Saying “I wasn’t feeling a connection”, “I’m not interested” or “I don’t see this working out” closes off the opportunity.
You also want to make sure that the compliment you give is minor. Don’t write “You’re so funny and well-built and compliment, compliment compliment… but it’s not going to work out”. That’s confusing to a lot of guys.
Oh God, He Asked For Feedback. What do I say?
Sometimes when a guy gets shut down, he asks for feedback. This puts you in a really awkward situation.
Usually, if you weren’t “feeling it”, it’s because trust, power or desire wasn’t present (read the theory of attraction if you want to understand this).
But really, you have no obligation to give this guy feedback or to help him stop failing with women. Most of the time if you give feedback, you’ll get a reaction like this.