There’s a weird idea out there that gets pushed by a lot of dating gurus.
It’s the idea that if you want women to see you as a strong, “alpha” guy with options, you have to play hard to get.
I swear, every week I get an email from a guy that goes something like this:
I’ve been trying to make things happen with my coworker for the past three months, and it’s finally working. This week, she texted me to see if I wanted to play tennis. (!!!)
I wanted to play hard to get, so I waited 3 days and then told her tennis is for losers and she probably sucks anyway.
She hasn’t texted me back.
What went wrong?
Was I too needy and available?
Ok, I’ll admit that above quote is a bit exaggerated, but you would be surprised by the stuff I’ve seen guys do to “not look needy”.
These guys believe, it seems, is that showing any sort of authentic romantic interest in a woman is the greatest faux pas you could ever make.
Guys who buy into this concept often wind up getting lots of interest when they first meet a woman.
But because they don’t feel comfortable showing their desire, women eventually lose interest in them.
As I explain in my Theory of Attraction, attraction in women is the feeling of being desired by a powerful man she can trust.
That means, once you’ve established yourself as confident a guy with inner power, you need to show desire.
“But Chris! What if you show interest in a needy way and creep her out?”
You’re absolutely right that you don’t want to come across needy – neediness is the kiss of death for attraction.
Here’s a good analogy to understand the line between desire and neediness.
If you haven’t eaten for days, and someone offers you a hotdog, that’s neediness.
On the other hand,
If you have just eaten a great meal, and someone shows you the most delicious dessert ever – that is desire*.
Put another way. Desire comes from a place of abundance. Neediness comes from a place of scarcity.
When you get this intention right, you’ll find that showing desire to a woman who is into you is actually a powerful way to build attraction.
Go out, and try it. You will not be disappointed.
Good luck –
(*) P.S. I know some people will object to the fact that I have just compared women to food. I honestly can’t think of a better analogy. Please do not take this to suggest that I think women are food or that you should eat women. That would be ridiculous.