Any man who has ever been in a serious relationship can relate to this video.
Whereas men tend to keep silent about their problems until they are looking for a solution, most women are quite happy to talk (sometimes endlessly) about their problems, well before they have any intention of doing anything about them. They just want to know there’s someone who has their back, and that’s fine.
Nine times out of ten, being understanding is the way to go. Most problems that people experience are transitory, and not really a big deal at all. “Oh babe, that’s so tough” you say. No need to break things down or look for a solution, just a bit of reassurance and an expectation that you’re going to move on now, because it’s not really a Big Deal.
But sometimes, the girl you care about has a nail in her head, and you need to make a choice: are you going to sit there and try to make her happy while she makes you more and more annoyed with her pointless refusal to deal with her self-inflicted wounds, or are you going to treat her right, and give her the straight up advice that she needs to actually get on with her life?
Make her happy? Or treat her right? You can only choose one.
Making other people happy is a Sisyphean task. You work and work and see some progress, and then bad habits reassert themselves and you’re back to zero. In the end, happiness can only come from the self.
Treating people right, on the other hand, is an achievable task. Let her know straight up what you think, and without judgement or being too harsh, tell her she needs to start solving her problems if she wants you to be understanding about it. “You have a nail in your head, and if you want me to be understanding you’re going to have to start dealing with it”. A bit of tough love.
Beware though, self-delusion is a powerful drug, and some people would rather eat glass than engage in a little bit of insight and stop their self-destructive behaviour. You will likely get into a fight, you may get dumped. But any woman who chooses self-delusion over a caring boyfriend is not exactly wifey material. The good news is that if you bring her around to your way of thinking, you will have earned her respect. Remember to use pathos and ethos when trying to convince her of your position, logic being the most difficult way to convince people of anything when emotions are involved.
One note: The tendency in much of the Manosphere is to believe that this sort of self-delusion is a particularly female trait. However, in my experience, there are a ton of guys out there who have nails in their head every bit as bad as women. For example, try teaching one of your hopeless-with-women buddies some game, and see the rationalizing that you get.
If you’re really daring you might even want to look at yourself, and explore your own forehead for some nails you have been ignoring. My post on sticking points mostly deals with finding the invisible rationalizations that we habitually make.
After all, the problems we most desperately want to avoid are usually the ones we need to address most urgently.