A lot of men, deep down inside, wish that chivalry (aka basic culture and manners) wasn’t dead. After all, wouldn’t it be great if women actually appreciated (and dated) guys who treated them with respect and acted with integrity?
So the question guys ask me – is that stuff all obsolete? Is it still relevant to the average guy?
Or is it just for suckers?
The problem with manners reminds me a bit of a thought experiment I did from a university philosophy class.
Imagine you have an object. Let’s say an orange chair. That object has two properties. It’s orange, and it’s good to sit on.
Now, you cut the orange chair into two pieces. The two pieces are still orange (that property has persisted), but neither half is good to sit on.
In philosophy-speak, you would say that the property of being orange is divisible, but the property of being “good to sit on” is indivisible.
Manners, and chivalry, suffers from a similar problem – they are a two way street – indivisible. It’s not enough for a man to have manners, the people he’s being polite to need to have an appreciation for manners, or it’s mostly a waste.
And that’s the problem that the average guy has right now when he tries to be “chivalrous” with some Tinder date that doesn’t care. He’s trying to sit on half a chair. It doesn’t work. He looks stupid.
Now, there is a solution, but it’s harder than just having manners. The solution is to embrace manners in a philosophical sense, and to expect manners from people while also practicing them yourself. It means gently holding the people around you to a higher standard, while also holding yourself to a higher standard.
What you’ll find, if you do this, is that people actually like and respect people with standards, and that in most cases they start to rise to the challenge. And now you’ve got that second half of the equation.
And what’s great is that having standards like this make you more interesting and desirable as a man. They’re a sign of inner strength, and they also make you trustworthy – two key elements in attraction.
And suddenly, old fashioned notions like manners and chivalry start to work.
For a related article on uplifting the world around you, check out: How Can You Keep Going When Society is So Messed Up