A lot of guys ask me about “The Red Pill” and concepts from that subculture. To put it simply, I don’t consider myself a part of that subculture, and I think The Red Pill gets many things right, and a lot of things wrong.
One concept that I think messes a lot of guys up is the concept of Hypergamy.
Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up“) is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying another of higher caste or social status than themselves. [wikipedia]
The “Red Pill” interpretation of Hypergamy, as I see it, has three parts:
- Women are attracted to men of higher social status.
This part is basically true.
I describe attraction in women as “The feeling of being desired by a powerful man she can trust“. Social status comes with and signifies power, which is an element of attraction. Studies have shown that social status is attractive across cultures.
2. Therefore, you should seek to attain social status, and behave like a “high status” man in your interactions with women.
Once again, this is mostly good advice. Social status isn’t the only thing in the world, but being a man who is a leader and respected by his peers is a good thing – and women absolutely respond to that.
3. And watch out because your girlfriend or wife will leave you for a man of higher status if he comes along.
This is where I think The Red Pill gets it wrong.
Once again, attraction is: “The feeling of being desired by a powerful man she can trust“. Yes, a more powerful man can always come along. Yes he can make her feel desired. But no other man, coming out of the blue, can compete with you on trust so long as you are doing things right.
So, what does that mean?
Hypergamy is a real problem, if you don’t earn and keep trust in your relationships. After all, if you’re a fickle and unreliable guy, why wouldn’t your partner trade you up for a better version? (Even if he was fickle and unreliable too)
But if you build high trust relationships – and you build them with women who are trustworthy as well – you can overcome hypergamy.
It’s not simple – you need to find a trustworthy woman, you need to be trustworthy yourself, and you need to push against the tide of our culture which ignores the value of commitment and trustworthiness.
But you can do it, if you want.
And that’s what The Red Pill gets wrong about hypergamy.