Following up from last week’s post, here’s a concrete example of how mass media and badly written fiction can create social anxiety and screw up your dating life.
Imagine you’re on a date, or in a conversation with someone you’re attracted to.
Gradually, the conversation dies down, and you want to get it going again.
And suddenly, this thought crosses your mind:
“I don’t have anything to say”.
Where does that thought come from? Why do you think that?
Well, first of all, you don’t actually have nothing to say. You could talk about the weather or yesterday’s football game or any other topic.
Your real problem is you don’t have anything good enough to say.
And “good enough” is based on your idea of what a good flirty conversation looks like.
Now ask yourself – where do you get your idea of what a good flirty conversation looks like?
Have you ever sat in on somebody’s date and watched what they talk about?
Do you often listen in to guys chatting with women at social events?
Or do you get your idea of what a good flirty conversation looks like from television?
If you’re like most guys, 95% of what you think you know about dating comes from TV and fiction.
So your idea of what a good conversation looks like has been shaped by what you watched on TV.
Of course, on TV, everyone always has a witty line to say. That’s because the writers probably spent 8 hours going over every single line of that conversation to get it perfectly right.
In real life, conversations are way easier. You don’t need to always have a witty line, you just need to be 20% more interesting then the last few guys she has talked to.
It’s not nearly as hard as what the television would have you believe.
That’s one reason why the coaching I offer has such great results – dating and developing charisma is actually easier than most people think. But the first thing you have to do is stop psyching yourself out with unrealistic expectations.