Recently on Quora a young man asked the question: “What’s the best way to impress a girl?” and my answer got thousands of people viewing it, so I thought I would post it here.
“What is the best way to impress a girl?”
This is a question that has stumped scientists and philosophers for centuries, from Plato’s Symposium, to modern attempts to address the question like The Game or The Mating Mind. It’s also my major area of interest (as a Dating Coach) so I guess I’ll try and answer the question as best I can.
The first thing you need to know is that you don’t impress a girl by doing something, but by being someone. The things you do are only relevant so much as they illustrate what kind of person you are. So don’t take the attitude of doing something to impress a girl, instead be an impressive man and things will take care of themselves.
But anyway, to answer the basic question “What makes women attracted?”. If you ask 100 people this question, you will probably get 200 different answers. I’ve asked this question to thousands of men and women, and some of the responses I get are:
Confidence, money, intelligence, style, romance, humour, being fit, reliable, nice shoes, smells nice, someone who knows what he wants…. etc etc.
The list is quite literally endless, but if you boil it all down, they all boil down to a few key elements – and the best way to impress a girl is to understand and embody these traits.
- Women like men who have inner or outer power – Confidence, style, athleticism and success all boil down to inner or outer power.
- The desire to be desired – Women respond to men who take the initiative and show desire for them. Romance, “a man who knows what he wants”, and confidence all boil down to this element. Passive guys miss out.
- Trust – A woman needs to trust the man she is with. This is where guys who are “reliable” and honest do well.
When you put all these elements together, you get the definition I use in my teaching:
Attraction (in women) is the feeling of being desired, by a powerful man, who she can trust.
Here’s a video where I go over this in a bit more detail.
So now that you have the theory down, lets talk about what you actually do.
The best way to impress a girl.
First, you want to plan the date out and take the lead. The date should be about showing her something new and interesting. Doing things that are exciting and even a bit scary can really help to create arousal and attraction. I explain this in my Science of Attraction video.
Keep the date moving to keep it interesting. Sitting at a table eating dinner for 2 hours is a HARD date to keep interesting. Moving to multiple venues (ie, coffee, then food then drinks somewhere else) can really help keep things interesting.
Open up, and get her to open up to you. Communicating who you are and building trust are key to attraction. The New York Times has a list of 36 questions that lead to love that you might be interested in. I also have a blog post about “Qualification” which is a technique to get people to open up (and feel good about it).
If you do this right, you will be having FUN, and you will have shown some confidence by taking the lead and showing her new things, and you will have created a bit of trust and comfort by opening up to her and getting her to open up to you. So what do you do now?
You express desire.
Most guys screw this up – they either express desire too early, and come across as needy, or they don’t express desire at all and play “hard to get”.
Instead, wait until the right moment, when she’s having fun and clearly into you, and then let her know how you feel. It doesn’t need to be over the top, or overly flattering, just something simple and honest. So at the end of the date you might look her in the eyes and say:
“I really liked spending time with you today. When can I see you again?”
And that, my friend, is the best way to impress a girl.