The good people at WGN Morning News interviewed me today on the secrets of confidence in dating. The video is below.
It’s hard to summarize the kind of stuff we teach at Love Systems into the kinds of short sound-bites that are suitable for a Friday morning news show. Anyway, I tried to summarize some of what I think is the most valuable advice that your average guy needs to hear to improve his dating confidence.
My main points were:
- Stop judging yourself. – Less confident people tend to think that being confident means judging yourself, and thinking you’re good. But confident people know that confidence means not judging yourself at all. This is the key to being less self-conscious.
- You need to feel worthy – If you want a woman to think you’re good enough for her, you need to believe it first. You got her to come on a date, you passed that test, you should work with the assumption that she likes you, or will like you when she gets to know you.
- Pick a good date – Confident people control what they can control, and they let go of the things they cannot control. One of the things you can control on a date is where you go and what you do. Take her to a place you know, in a neighborhood you know. You want to know where you’ll go next if the date is going well, you want to know what food on the menu is good, and what to avoid. Being in a comfortable situation makes you more confident.
- Don’t try to read her mind, instead, listen – People who are less confident often try to read the minds of the people around them – and they are usually wrong. Instead of being inside your head, guessing and thinking about how things are going, direct your attention outward and pay attention to the signals she’s giving you. Watch her body-language and listen to the subtext of what she is saying, but avoid over-analyzing things.
- Make a move. – In the end, the goal of a date is to get to know the other person, and to start creating some romantic chemistry. That means nine times out of ten you, the man, will have to make a move at some point. Going for a kiss at the end of the first date is almost always appropriate. A confident guy who makes a move a bit too fast is usually going to fare better than a less confident guy going far too slowly.
Ironically, I was actually quite nervous during this interview. It was my first ever time on live television. The hosts were great though and did a good job of making me feel comfortable. I also focused on following my own advice 🙂