Chris, I need your help…
I’m a successful guy, and I’ve achieved a lot in my life. I want to find a woman to share it with but I have a problem.
You see, every time I meet a woman, I feel like she’s only interested in dating me for my money.
I don’t know if I’m being insecure, or just meeting the wrong women. What can I do to change this?
A former student.
A lot of people aren’t going to like me saying this.
But I’m going to say it anyways.
Rich, successful guys have a hard time in dating.
They suffer from the curse of the gold digger.
The curse goes like this – as a successful man achieves more in his life, he can sometimes become more insecure in his relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, successful men have a lot of advantages in the dating market (in part due to hypergamy), but their success comes at a cost. And if they don’t learn how to navigate relationships properly, they can wind up getting taken advantage of, getting used, and getting cynical about women.
The problem stems from the fact that most women like two things about successful men.
First, they like the fact that successful men are usually successful because they are smart, hard working, confident, etc. These character traits show the sort of inner power that women find very attractive.
Second, they like money and nice things. (Who doesn’t?).
Because of this, successful guys often fear that the women they are dating like them more for their money than for who they are. (And sometimes they are right)
The challenge for successful men is: How do you avoid “gold diggers” without filtering out the women who really like you for who you are?
Here are four rules to avoid the curse of the gold digger:
First – As a successful man, you cannot be passive in your dating life.
If you sit back and wait for women to come to you, the ones that will come to you are far more likely to be “gold diggers”.
Meanwhile the women who like smart, confident men will expect to be pursued – because that’s what a smart, confident man would do.
In fact, it’s only when you take the initiative that your success really starts improving your dating life.
Second – Don’t use your money or success as a crutch.
Money and status can make things easy for you as a single guy. You can use your connections and resources as incentives to get women to date you. But, using those things the wrong way can create all sorts of trouble in your life.
Here’s a rule of thumb – before you spend money on a woman you like, ask yourself “Would I say yes to this even if I wasn’t interested in the person I was doing it with?” – if the answer is yes, you’re using your wealth as a crutch.
Third – Don’t be ashamed of your success.
Another mistake successful men make is being shy about their success and hiding it. That can create a whole new set of problems, because now you’re not being trustworthy and confident.
Fourth – Know what you want in a woman.
This goes along with not being passive, but it’s very important that you actually know what you are looking for in a partner. My relationship visualization exercise can help you visualize what you are really looking for so you can go out and proactively look for it.
As always, the real solution is to act from your centre and remember – nothing works like success.