I met up with Matt again recently in a bar in downtown Toronto – one of those high-end “lounge” restaurants where you eat steak served by especially good looking waitresses. Matt is a plain-looking guy, his hair was a bit longer than I remembered, but he carried himself with a relaxed confidence.
What was really funny about Matt was that he was a lot like me. Like me, he was a guy from a small town, who was a bit of a nerd. Like me, he was average height with a plain preppy look. There was nothing terribly special about this guy – except that over the past six months he had developed a remarkable skill.
You see, when our waitress came to take our order, I hunched over and studied the menu, wondering what I wanted to eat.
But Matt did something completely different.
He leaned back, with his shoulders broad, looked the waitress in the eye, and with a strange air of confidence just asked a simple question…
The question itself doesn’t matter – but what was remarkable was the waitresses reaction to his question.
Suddenly this waitress, who previously had been busy and professional, started to smile and laugh.
It was as if someone had pressed a button and transformed her from “waitress” to “flirty” instantaneously.
I continued to watch, right there in front of me as Matt got the waitress to start giggling, open up about her dreams and ambitions (she was an aspiring actress) and bring some of the other waitresses to chat with us.
For our whole dinner, we were the centre of attention for the waitstaff. We made them laugh, they made us laugh, and at the end of the evening we got our bill – a few drinks had been knocked off our tab, and written on the back of our receipt was a quick note.
Give me a call sometime! 416-xxx-xxxx
As we left the bar, I was impressed. You see, when I had first met Matt just 6 months earlier, he was a shy and introverted guy. Women would ignore him.
But now, just a few months later, he had mastered the art of attraction. His phone was full of text messages from women he had met around the city, who were practically begging to see him again. Every night of the week, he could have a gorgeous woman at his apartment – if he wanted.
Or he could meet someone new, if he wanted.
He wasn’t tied down, and he had choice. And the women he was dating were fine with it because they just liked being around him.
Matt was actually looking for a serious relationship, but in the meantime, he was loving the bachelor life.
And so he was killing it on the dating scene, while waiting for someone special to come along.
Most guys don’t have it as good as Matt does.
In fact, I’d guess that Matt is having more dating success than 98% of the population (despite being perfectly average in looks).
But what is Matt doing differently?
Matt learned how to easily stand out from the competition – because he understood the Art of Attraction.
He knew how to be the most interesting man in the room, how to create a real connection with women, and how to keep that connection strong, not just in person, but over text messaging.
These are uncommon skills in this day and age.
What guys like Matt have realized is that for guys who know how to stand out, it doesn’t matter how good looking you are, how much money you have, or how fancy your clothes are.
You see, most of the time when an attractive woman like Laura (the waitress) meets a guy at work, that guy gets lumped into a stereotype. So Matt probably started his interaction with Laura as “just another moderately cute customer”. He was nice, maybe she liked his look, but he was just like the dozens of other similar guys she had met that week.
But Matt broke out of that stereotype, and grabbed her attention by asking questions that forced her to stop seeing him as a customer and start engaging him as a real, three dimensional human being.
And that was just the beginning.
Once Matt had broken out of the “customer” stereotype, he engaged her to create a real and meaningful connection. Matt didn’t just say “hey, let me get your number” or “so, what do you like?”. He led a back and forth conversation – using simple principles – where eventually Laura was trying to impress Matt, with the hopes that he would ask for her number.
Sure, Matt was being confident, and he was funny and entertaining at times, but Laura meets guys like that all the time. In fact, Laura didn’t notice herself being attracted to Matt until she felt herself working to earn his approval.
What really made the difference is that he led Laura through a conversation that made her open up, share herself, and feel good about it. And that created a real connection – the sort that she doesn’t generally have with guys she meets at her restaurant.
Even when Matt got her number, it was because – instead of running out of things to say, as he would have done before – Matt had gotten Laura excited about spending time with him again and doing something together later that week. So Matt knew that every time he texted her, he would get a reply... and quickly!
Nothing Matt did seemed particularly unusual or extraordinary, but the effect on Laura was powerful. She was more excited to meet up with Matt than she was for any of the dozens of dates she had gone on that year.
And while it felt like what Matt did was perfectly natural, it was something that Matt would actually have never been able to do just a few months earlier.
That’s because everything Matt did in that conversation was something he had learned in the past 6 months. The skills he had developed were part of the system I have developed over the past 10 years. A system which has helped countless guys drastically improve their dating lives without being weird or unnatural or “try-hard”.
The secret? It’s about learning to create an authentic connection in a world where these things are rare.