I don’t really like the word PUA – I think it’s a cheezy term, and one that is slowly dying. I much prefer to be called a Dating Coach, because that’s actually what my job is – to teach men the science and skill of meeting and dating the women they want to meet. But that said, I’m going to defend the whole PUA scene/community/movement, because I think overall it’s a positive thing. Later on I’ll probably write a post with the criticisms I have of the PUA scene, because I have many. But for now, I present the positive side.
10 Ways that PUA scene is good for men.
10 – It encourages the cultivation of confidence.
Confidence is one of the biggest “attraction switches”, but it’s also an amazing quality to develop in oneself. Confidence gained from going out and meeting beautiful women is confidence that you can carry around for the rest of your life, in business, sports and relationships. And nothing cultivates confidence like going out and confronting your fears and insecurities in person.
9 – PUA stuff encourages self-development.
I have met many guys who got into the PUA scene after a bad breakup or some sort of relationship trauma. The PUA community helped them turn their heartbreak into a path of self improvement. Without PUA stuff, many of these guys would be sitting at home trying to get their ex-girlfriends back, instead of learning, working out and bettering their lives. The promise of sex is a powerful motivator and the PUA community redirects that motivation towards self-improvement.
8 – It helps men understand women better (sometimes).
If you have a faulty understanding of something, you can’t learn from experience. Television, popular culture and yes, feminism have given men a false understanding of what women are all about. Television and pop-culture portray women as damsels waiting for a knight to rescue them, or any one of a dozen different made-for-tv caricatures. Feminists portray women as being are exactly like men – except oppressed. The reality is that women and men are like yin and yang, equal, but very different, and that one needs to invest some effort and research into understanding how women are different, if you want to be able to empathize with and understand them properly.
That said, there are a bunch of common PUA beliefs and attitudes that are total horseshit. I will deal with that in another post.
7 – It encourages people to socialize more.
Every time a young man puts down his computer or his playstation and goes out to talk to people, an angel gets his wings.
6 – It encourages sex and enjoying yourself.
From a simply utilitarian perspective, more sex = more enjoyment = better world. Angry old scolds hate this.
5 – Most PUA beliefs are positive and helpful.
Cultivating an abundance mindset, being outcome independent, don’t judge yourself, go after what you want, women like sex, men should strive to be strong and confident, don’t give in to your fears and anxieties, confront your sticking points. These are all mantras of the pickup and seduction community, and they are all very good attitudes that young men shouldn’t have to go to the internet to learn, but they do.
4 – It helps men feel control over their destinies.
The feeling that you are not in control of your life can make you depressed, helpless and apathetic. The PUA community helps guys by helping them feel in control of the women they date. When a man feels that he has chosen the woman he is in a relationship with, as opposed to having been chosen by her, he feels more confident and empowered. Most women also prefer to be dating a guy who chose to be in a relationship with her, as opposed to a guy she had to “catch”.
3 – It encourages a sense of brotherhood.
The ancient greeks talked endlessly about philia, or brotherly love. America was founded by brotherhoods of men working towards a common goal. Revolutions in the name of brotherhood, or fraterinte ripped Europe apart on a regular basis for centuries. Yet the idea of “brotherhood” is almost dead in America. The word itself brings to mind frat houses full of alcoholic undergraduates. Men working together, without commercial or family ties, towards a common goal is a good thing. There should be more of it.
2 – PUA stuff encourages people to live in reality.
When you’re out and interacting with women, you can’t pretend that your greasy haircut is actually cool, or that your 5 year old sneakers are still fashionable. You can’t pretend that your boring life is actually cool, or that you’re actually doing well in life when you actually are not. The game holds a mirror up to you and shows you what your weaknesses are, and if you chose to close your eyes and ignore it, you will fail.
1 – Being better with women is an excellent form of general self improvement.
Women ultimately love men who are strong and confident and noble and have a vigorous love of life. Every pickup technique that works is aimed at cultivating and communicating those qualities to women. The love of beautiful women is the ultimate inspiration to be a better man.
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